dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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