so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
