I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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