my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
