My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
