carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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