The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
