I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
