dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You're like the curious george of whores
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
