haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
