i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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