This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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