Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize