I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
