I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
