1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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