You really coming over, don't trick.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize