omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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