Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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