I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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