there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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