singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
