What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
