im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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