Your mouth is God's brothel.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize