She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
