just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Randomize
