in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
