Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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