I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I need to calm my uterus...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
