I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
