I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize