i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
