Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
