I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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