pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
