if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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