So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
