Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
