butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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