I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize