i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
