I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
