she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
try to milk me bitch
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