she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
