after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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