We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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