New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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