Dual....:-)
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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