I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The best revenge is premature balding
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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