Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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