I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
