3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize