i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
