Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
