literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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