Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
