I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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