omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
