Nicole vs. Life
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
