Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
