I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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