We won't sleep together?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
worst night to have a conscience
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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