the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
