I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
