She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I could fuck to npr.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
