im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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