people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you had me at cake vodka
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize