Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
