So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
