I think i peed on brittanys purse
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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