If i come over, it means nothing
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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