Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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