dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
