I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
