Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
