You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
it's like heaven, but drunker
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
