A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
