If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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