after a month anything with tits is on the radar
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
