apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
