drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Do vagina's smell?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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