you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
