we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
