FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
