he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
