I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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