If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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