Your tits are I can't wait for
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
