yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
