I need help removing her.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
