It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize