The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
