Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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