...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
