I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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