dude i'm inner monologue high
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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