life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
